Posts tagged homestuck

sessklok:

swankysassifrass:

halfbloodtroll:

seajinzhi:

Nathan Explosion is my headcanon Equius voice forever

Lol omg

ALL OF THEIR VOICES ARE PERFECT AND THE PERSONALITIES FIT

im fucingk crying ogm
yws perftec
a++++

(Source: sealycow)

15,762 notes

friendship

cheese3d:

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fun fact i came up with this at 3 in the morning

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lonelyheartsdeathmetal:

musterni-illustrates:

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a new zine called shitty horoscopes that i’ll be premiering this year at the Toronto Queer Zine Fair, among other things! hopefully i’ll make volumes available for online purchase soon. credit where credit is due: this was inspired by the huge number of made-up horoscopes floating around tumblr lately, and angry-poems.

yup, the Libra one is pretty accurate

Okay normally I’m not all LOL HOMESTUCK but

This is creepy accurate to our favorite grey-skinned dickbags.

116,449 notes

Ensign Karkat Vantas, Comms Officer of the U.S.S. Sol Invictus v. That Fucking Asshole Dave

  • Starfleet Officer!Karkat [CG] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~
  • turntechGodhead [TG] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~
  • CG: UH OH.
  • TG: what
  • CG: WHAT'S THAT SCIENCE?
  • CG: OH SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT, SCANNERS DO INDICATE A POMPOUS FUCKING DOUCHEBAG IN THE SECTOR.
  • CG: PUT THAT UP ON THE MAIN SCREEN SO WE CAN ALL LAUGH AT HIS FEEBLE, DISGUSTING FACE.
  • TG: youre such a prick
  • CG: BET YOUR ASS.
  • TG: and your jokes arent funny i happen to have a wonderful personality and many friends who care about me
  • CG: PFFT.
  • CG: YOU'RE LIKE SANDING PAPER AND ACNE HAD A BABY.
  • TG: whats that
  • CG: I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT JOHN, BUT EUGH.
  • CG: JUST.
  • CG: EUGH
  • CG: GHRHGERLG
  • CG: GROSS.
  • TG: scanners inficate a gaping asshole in the immediate vicinity
  • TG: spewing shit from left to right
  • CG: ONE, THAT'S ALMOST AS SICKENING AS ANY GIVEN THING THAT EMERGES FROM YOUR FACE.
  • CG: TWO, WOAH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR SHIP WAS EQUIPPED WITH SELF-SCANNERS.
  • CG: THAT'S SO COOL FOR A 23RD CENTURY JUNKER MODEL.
  • TG: at least theres a cure for acne karkat
  • TG: theres nothing anybody or anything can do about your face
  • TG: you were born ugly and youre going to die that way
  • CG: I AM SO
  • TG: probably alone in the empty vacuum of space
  • CG: FUCKING
  • CG: WOUNDED RIGHT NOW
  • CG: I MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO TO MED BAY
  • CG: CURL UP WITH A FUCKING BOOK
  • CG: AND JUST FUCKING DIE
  • CG: FROM ALL THE GRIEF YOU HAVE INFLICTED UPON ME
  • TG: thats a little depressing
  • CG: WOE, WOE, A THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES WOE
  • TG: take care of that on your own time
  • CG: YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID, STRIDER?
  • TG: no
  • CG: YOU'VE TORN THIS AND A THOUSAND OTHER FAMILIES APART.
  • CG: JUST GLOOM AND FUCKING DOOM WITH YOUR ASS AROUND.
  • TG: good i hate children
  • TG: boo happiness
  • TG: i hit a baby in the face one time with a door and i didnt even say sorry
  • CG: I SAW THAT.
  • TG: thats because it was you
  • CG: IF THAT DIDN'T VIOLATE THE PRIME DIRECTIVE, I BET THE WAR CRIME TRIAL FOR ANY TIME YOU TALK WAS THE CLINCHER.
  • TG: you enormous fucking child
  • CG: OH GOODNESS ME, SUCH GODDAMN ASS-CLENCHING LANGUAGE.
  • CG: I WASN'T EVEN AWARE YOU WERE CAPABLE OF SUCH MONUMENTAL FUCKWORDS.
  • TG: thats probably because youre an ignorant baby
  • CG: SCIENCE, COME CHECK THIS OUT! IT'S INCREDIBLE!
  • CG: WE'VE HIT THE FIRST EVER EXAMPLE OF PRIMITIVE LANGUAGE RECURSION!
  • CG: HE'S JUST SAYING THE SAME THING IN DIFFERENT INFLECTIONS, OVER AND OVER.
  • CG: COULD THIS BE A NEW TYPE OF LANGUAGE!?
  • CG: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WERE SO MANY INCREDIBLE AND VARIED WAYS TO SAY "I'M A BIG PISSBABY PLEASE PUNCH MY NECK"
  • TG: first of all how dare you
  • TG: secondly youre the biggest shitbaby i know and im about four seconds from ditching this adorable space journey and settling down somewhere my head will literally implode because you wont stop talking
  • TG: who are you trying to impress here dog
  • CG: USUALLY HIGH COMMAND SO I CAN FINALLY GET THE FUCKING CAPTAIN'S SEAT LIKE I'VE TOLD THEM I WANTED SINCE DAY FUCKING ONE BUT--
  • CG: THAT WASN'T AN ACTUAL QUESTION, WAS IT?
  • TG: maybe it was
  • CG: ANY WAY, YOU JUST GO AND SETTLE
  • CG: RAISE SOME KIDS, GO HOME, BE A FAMILY MAN
  • TG: but you cut yourself off so go ahead and continue not talking
  • CG: THEN YOU CAN POLLUTE THE ENTIRE GALAXY WITH YOUR WASTREL FUCKING SPAWN
  • TG: stop
  • CG: AND SOON THE ENTIRE GALAXY WILL JUST BE CHATTERING IN FAKE BULLSHIT IDIOT LANGUAGE
  • TG: my empire will rise
  • TG: but also shut up
  • CG: YOUR EMPIRE IS FOUNDED ON CRAP AND ASS, YOU DICKBEETLE.
  • TG: at least ill have a legacy cockmunch
  • TG: nobody will remember the crappiest not-boss to ever curse the universe with his existence
  • CG: I'M SURE YOU'LL BE WELL-REMEMBERED BY THE FUCKING ROACHES THAT EAT YOUR ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY.
  • TG: nobody cares about shitty wannabe leaders
  • CG: EVEN LESS PEOPLE CARE ABOUT JACKOFF DICKASSES THAT JUST HANG AROUND TALKING SHIT AND WASTING THE FEDERATION'S TIME.
  • CG: THAT'S LITERALLY NEGATIVE PEOPLE.
  • CG: NEGATIVE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU.
  • CG: ASSCLOWN.
  • TG: thats pretty obviously impossible
  • CG: NO, LIKE, RETROACTIVELY.
  • TG: no its ok save it i wont even bother to probably correct you dickbreath
  • CG: PEOPLE IN THE PAST ARE ACTUALLY ARRANGING IT SO THAT MULTIPLE LINKS IN THE CHAIN OF YOUR USELESS FAMILY TREE WILL NEVER BE FOUNDED, SIMPLY TO STOP YOU FROM EXISTING.
  • CG: YOU'RE GOING TO FADE AWAY LIKE THAT HUMAN JACKASS IN THE SHINY HAT THAT ALMOST KISSED HIS MOM.
  • TG: i would be honored to be the next marty mcfly
  • CG: AND THERE WON'T BE ANY WACKY, NO-NONSENSE SCIENTIST TO BAIL YOUR WEAK ASS OUT.
  • TG: you do realize he stopped himself from disappearing right
  • TG: and i dont even have parents
  • TG: so jokes on you
  • CG: NOT ANY MORE YOU DON'T.
  • TG: ouch
  • CG: YOU FUCKED UP AND PLAYED THE WORST JOHNNY B. GOODE ANYONE HAS EVER HEARD.
  • CG: AND NOW THEY UN-FUCKED.
  • CG: SO YOU WERE NEVER FUCKING BORN.
  • TG: is that why im still typing
  • CG: MAYBE IT'S NOT YOU THAT'S TYPING AT ALL, DICKWEASEL.
  • CG: MAYBE IT'S JUST BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE.
  • TG: ?
  • CG: OR SPACE MADNESS.
  • CG: I'M TALKING TO A FUCKING BLANK COMPUTER AND EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT ME WEIRD
  • CG: BECAUSE I GOT SOME VAGUE GLIMMER FROM AN ABSTRACT AND NON-EXISTENT ALTERNATE EXISTENCE WHERE YOU'RE ACTUALLY A THING THAT EVER HAPPENED
  • CG: AND NOW I'M JUST FILLED WITH MADNESS AND RAGE
  • CG: I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANY SPECULATION FALL HARDER ON ITS ASS.
  • CG: I JUST COMPLETELY FUCKED THE WALL ON THAT ONE.
  • CG: I DIDN'T JUST CRASH. I TENDERLY FUCKING LOVED THAT WALL. TO DEATH.
  • TG: youre disgusting
  • CG: I WOULDN'T BE DOING OBSCENE AND UNNATURAL THINGS TO WALLS IF YOU DIDN'T INFECT MY PRESENCE WITH YOUR DISGUSTING HUMAN WAYS.
  • TG: at least im not forced to fuck my significant other because your entire race is too inept to find a better way to populate the shitty planet
  • CG: HEY WOAH.
  • CG: NOW WE'RE GETTING IN DEEP.
  • CG: THAT WAS SO UNCOOL, I THINK I'M CONTEMPLATING SETTING THE SHIP-WIDE PHASERS TO KILL AND JUST SMOKING YOUR ENTIRE CONTINENT.
  • TG: we got in deep the moment you decided to talk shit about my absent parents unfucking
  • TG: also you wouldnt dare
  • CG: THE PARENTS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE.
  • TG: fuck you
  • TG: someone can always adopt me but youre still ugly
  • TG: all my problems are temporary
  • TG: ugly is forever
  • CG: I ALREADY GOT ADOPTED BY THE BIGGEST, PAX-FUCKING-ROMANI-EST GOVERNMENT IN THE GALAXY. I'M IMPORTANT FUCKING SHIT NOW.
  • TG: are you the janitor
  • CG: I GET TO TALK TO HOT ALIEN BABES ALL DAY AND USE COMPANY TIME TO PAGE PEOPLE AND DECLARE WAR ON THEIR IGNORANT ASSES.
  • TG: is that how you landed that stint
  • CG: I WENT TO STARFLEET FUCKING ACADEMY, YOU WORM.
  • TG: lame
  • TG: its like the police academy but even less people care because youre lightyears away
  • CG: I LEARNED WITH THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST AND SCORED IN AT LEAST THE TOP SIXTY PERCENT.
  • TG: sixty lmao
  • CG: I'M A FUCKING COMMS OFFICER GUNNING FOR THE CAPTAIN'S CHAIR, I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT.
  • CG: I BET YOU COULD MAKE IT AS, LIKE, A KLINGON HAREM BOY.
  • CG: OR A BORG REACTOR SHIELDING COMPONENT.
  • CG: BUT ONLY IF YOU COMMIT SUPER HARD.
  • CG: BETTER BONE UP ON "BEING STRAPPED TO NUCLEAR SHIT 101" AND "NOT BLACKING OUT FROM PAIN THAT EVEN MY NANITE INFESTED, PHYSICALLY SUPERIOR CYBERNETIC HULL CAN DULL OUT FOR BEGINNERS".
  • TG: sounds like something you know a lot about
  • TG: i bet youre the weenie captain huh
  • CG: I FUCKING EXCELLED IN THAT IN THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE I'M BASICALLY YOU, BUT HANDSOME.
  • CG: IN THAT REALITY, I'M THE BEST LOOKING PIECE OF SCREAMING AGONY A SPACE CUBE COULD ASK FOR.
  • TG: ive seen a picture of you and youre not that impressive
  • TG: ive stepped on week-old gum thats more attractive than you
  • CG: CLEARLY THERE ARE NO MIRRORS ON PLANET PISS, WHICH IS WHERE YOU LIVE.
  • TG: id probably fuck a wall before i got down n dirty with your weak ass
  • CG: THAT WALL IS COMPLETELY RUINED FOR OTHER PARTNERS AFTER MY HANDSOME ASS GOT AHOLD OF IT.
  • TG: hahahaha
  • CG: IT'S ALL
  • TG: im laughing but you cant hear it for yourself because youre so far away thank god
  • CG: "OH KARKAT"
  • CG: "MY RECTANGULAR FORM WILL NEVER LOVE ANOTHER"
  • CG: AND I'M LIKE
  • CG: "DAMN BABY, YOU SHOULD HEAR WHAT SENTIENT LIFE FORMS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT MY INCREDIBLE GODDAMN PROWESS"
  • CG: "SHIT YOU'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN AND YOU'RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT"
  • TG: are you legitimately narrating a fictitious conversation wall
  • TG: with a wall * ))
  • CG: WE ALL HAVE HOBBIES, DICKHANDS.
  • TG: maybe you are actually crazy
  • CG: I'M STILL TALKING TO YOU OVER A HALF AN HOUR LATER SO, YEAH.
  • CG: PROBABLY.
  • TG: how did you get my chumhandle anyway im going to have to have a serious conversation about web safety with someone
  • CG: JUST PICKED YOUR DUMB ASS UP ON THE COMMS SCANNERS. APPARENTLY YOU WERE HAILING FOR CONTACT, AND WOE BETIDE ME THE DAY IT WAS MY SHIP THAT FOUND YOU.
  • TG: theres all these weirdos with delusions of grandeur out there in space
  • TG: internet censorship is probably something johns dad needs to invest in before he keeps meeting and eventually introducing me to more shit awful trolls
  • CG: WOOPS, YOUR BORING VOICE IS STUPID AND DUMB AND I FELL ASLEEP AT MY OWN PANEL, THEN GOT REPRIMANDED BY CAPTAIN HYPERI.
  • CG: HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY, I'M GOING TO BED NOW.
  • CG: ENSIGN VANTAS THE FUCK OUT.
  • Starfleet Officer!Karkat [CG] disconnected.

1 note

napalmarts:

Slave Gladiator Dave, killing trolls like boss. Bitches don’t fuck wit da human.

Dave Strider of Alternia?
Uh
Yes fucking please.

napalmarts:

Slave Gladiator Dave, killing trolls like boss. Bitches don’t fuck wit da human.

Dave Strider of Alternia?

Uh

Yes fucking please.

4,251 notes

leaked Homestuck Finale script excerpt

  • Gamzee: Okay, suckers, get this into your stupid thick heads. There's only one thing I'm going to say to you.
  • John: What?
  • Gamzee: (in Dave's voice) What's happening, dudes?
  • Dave appears in Gamzee's place.
  • Dave: We are talking Jape of the Decade. We are talking April, May, June, July, and August Fool. Yes, that's right: I am Queeg.
  • Rimmer: What!?
  • Dave: Gamzee never existed. It was me all along.
  • Karkat: What!?
  • Dave: Wheeze of the week, mate!
  • Katkat: What?!?
  • Dave: Going round in circles for fourteen months? Getting my information from the Junior Colour Encyclopedia of Space? The respect you have for me is awesome, innit?
  • John: You mean you staged the whole thing?
  • Dave: (Gamzee's voice) That's right, suckers! (Normal voice) And the moral of the story is: Appreciate what you've got, because basically, I'm fantastic!

everlind:

orangelemonart:

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After dinner Dad taught Karkat how to dance all the Ginger parts to the Fred Astaire dances he taught John growing up because like hell is he not going to pass down his fancy feet to his son’s boyfriend and make it all worthwhile. John complained from the sofa the whole time and Karkat refused to give up.

He’s coming over again next Friday.

Oh damn there is nothing I don’t love about this XD

I couldn’t help but hear Dad with the Soldier’s voice.

YOU WILL BRING MY SON HOME BY ELEVEN OR I WILL BAKE YOUR ARMS INTO A SOUFFLET AND TEACH YOU PROPER PASTRY ETIQUETTE WITH YOUR FEET, YOU USELESS MAGGOT.

2,137 notes